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Kids, partners, parents—and in the middle of them all, trying to take care of everyone, is you. There are a few important discussions you need to have to keep everyone healthy and balanced.
by Alexis Andrianopoulos Published April 9, 2010 at 09:50 AM
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Talking with Your Children
Honesty is the Best Policy
Each child is different, so there is no one way to address sensitive but important topics with your children. But when it comes to talking with your kids, one thing is certain: Honesty is still the best policy. Dr. Joseph DiSanto of Brandywine Pediatrics in Wilmington offers this advice: “Always be honest. If a child knows that his parent has always been forthcoming and has answered his questions honestly, he will trust that parent later when something comes up.”
One of the most potentially awkward but crucially important topics to address with your children is their development, especially their sexual development. “Without strolling too much down memory lane, tell your kids that you remember what they’re going through and what they’re learning about,” says registered nurse Maryanne Bourque, a community education coordinator at Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children. “It’s OK to tell them that you were scared or curious at their age.”
Many adults were raised in families that scheduled The Talk. Now adults themselves, they often try to avoid The Talk. “By the time they bring up these important topics, it’s too late,” says DiSanto. “The child already knows a great deal from the Internet, their friends, and movies and television.”
So get started early, and don’t be shy. “Don’t expect to have one talk with your kids,” Bourque says. “It’s not one talk. It’s many talks.” If your young daughter has a question about the girl in her class who is developing breasts faster than she is, for example, you do not need to also address sexuality and intimacy at that time. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, “Parents should respond to the needs and curiosity level of their individual child, offering no more or less information than their child is asking for and is able to understand.”
Just as important as the information you provide is the information you confirm or refute. “Part of a parent’s job is to dispel myths,” Bourque says. “Children are bombarded with information from a variety of sources—school, peers, siblings, the Internet, television, and more. Parents must be prepared to answer questions and provide accurate information about their children’s development and changing bodies.”
DiSanto urges parents to use real, age-appropriate words to describe body parts. “If you’ve always called it a penis, your 13 year-old won’t giggle when he hears the word ‘penis’ later on.”
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