Dangerous Liasons

Ah, the thrilling nuances of grade school courtship—the saucy cards, the sly looks, the egg salad.



Illustration by Deanna StaffoI remember passing out valentine cards in grade school. They were made like baseball cards and, rather than conveying romantic entreaties, they contained insults. The most memorable said, “Your teeth are like stars. They come out at night.”

We gave these out only at school. I can’t remember ever passing them out at home. What’s even more surprising was that we gave these out in the classroom before the bell rang for class to start. That meant that the activity was actually allowed. I went to a Catholic school. Nothing fun was allowed in the classroom.

Because they were insults, the cards were given as jokes. That meant you shared them with other boys, since we had yet to figure out that you could also joke around with girls.

At that time, girls were the enemy. They had more stuff on their playground. They never got punished. And if they liked you, they would tell you straight to your face and in front of your friends, which was just about the most humiliating thing that could happen to you in grade school.

It was worse than having an accident in your pants. Or at least it was more or less the same as having an accident. Writing the sentiment out was even more humiliating. I remember a day when some stupid girl had written on the blackboard that she liked me, spelling my whole name in big chalky letters. It was like being denounced as a Communist, maybe a Communist who just had an accident, to boot.

So if you actually liked someone, you had to do it in code. For me, that meant getting into trouble, for some reason. Even today I don’t understand how the following play could ever convey feelings of romance, but so be it. That was my “move,” as it were.

Once, I had become attracted to the most delicate and fetching Melanie Ybarzabel (not a made-up name). Back then I fell in love with names rather than actual persons: Diane Graffagnini, Maria Campagna, Mitzy Bienvenu. (Who names a daughter Mitzy?)

Anyway, back to Mademoiselle Ybarzabel…

For some reason, I thought the way to Melanie’s young heart would be through a stunt. So during class, I began eating an egg salad sandwich. I tried to get her attention, but before I could, my communication was intercepted by the sensitive Axis antennae that served as Sister Rottweiler’s ears. Eating lunch during class was, apparently, a capital offense, worse than sneaking out to the girls’ playground to watch them on the swings—or having an accident.

So with real egg on my face, I was ordered to the front of the class. Sister Rottweiler shouted at me in a thick German accent that reminded you of those World War II newsreels, then she proceeded to spank me in front of the entire class.

It was the supreme humiliation. Melanie Ybarzabel, obviously, was lost to me forever, though I did notice later that Mitzy Bienvenu started throwing suggestive looks my way, like I was a bad boy instead of the nerd from geography class who knew all the capitals of Europe.

I should note that none of these lasses ever had any inkling of my affections for them. The girl who wrote my name on the blackboard never knew I had a crush on her, too.

Even Mitzy Bienvenu’s gaze eventually turned icy again, after I thoughtlessly identified Reykjavik as the capital of Iceland.

I should have been eating a sandwich when I did it.

Reid reports that his wife has read this. She says “it explains a lot.”

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February 2017

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities at the Delaware Museum of Natural History's newest special exhibit. Undertake...

Cost: Adults: $9 Children (3-17): $7 Seniors (60+): $8 Under 3: FREE Members: FREE

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Wilmington, DE  19807
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Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities. Undertake three Mesozoic Missions spanning 150 million years and mimic dinosaur...

Cost: Free with Admission

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Newark, DE  19807
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Telephone: 302-658-9111
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Between 1917 and 1944, the Society of Independent Artists (SIA) hosted annual exhibitions for its members. Famous painters and Sunday painters were able to exhibit their work in enormous open shows...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
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Visit The Waterfall for our annual Wedding & Special Event Showcase. Sunday, Feb. 26 from 11 a.m. until 3 p.m. The event is complimentary and open to the public. Come see...

Where:
The Waterfall
3416 Philadelphia Pike
Claymont, DE  19703
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Telephone: 302-792-2600
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The Wilmington & Western Railroad's Hockessin Art Festival is a fundraising effort to benefit the railroad, now entering our 50th year of tourist service. Over 25 artists will be...

Cost: $3 for art show admission; $5 for train fare (children under 2 are free)

Where:
Hockessin Memorial Hall
606 Yorklyn Road
Hockessin, DE  19707
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Sponsor: Wilmington & Western Railroad
Telephone: 302-998-1930
Contact Name: Carole
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Prospective brides, grooms, and their families are invited to Hagley’s wedding showcase, set in beautiful Chateau Country at Hagley’s Soda House. This premier free event puts brides and...

Cost: Free

Where:
Hagley Museum and Library Soda House
298 Buck Road
Wilmington, DE  19807
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Belly Dance Classes with Zahra Open to teens and adults February Sundays Beginner: 2:30-3:30 Intermediate: 1-2 February 5th & 12th Advanced payment: $22 via PayPal to...

Cost: $15-$52

Where:
Take the Lead Studio
320 Lantana Drive
Hockessin , DE  19711
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Sponsor: Take the Lead
Contact Name: Zahra
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Nanticoke Weight Loss & General Surgery will host bariatric support groups on Tuesday, Feb. 7 from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. and Monday, Feb. 27 from 6 to 7 p.m. in the Medical Staff...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Nanticoke Memorial Hospital
801 Middleford Road
Seaford, DE  19973
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Telephone: 302-536-5395
Contact Name: Nanticoke Weight Loss & General Surgery
Website »

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Why should the boys have all the fun? Jeffrey Miller will help close our Inside the Opera Studio series with an elegant evening that is all about the ladies. Not all sopranos are created...

Cost:

Where:
Opera Delaware Studios
4 S Poplar St
Wilmington, DE  19801
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Website »

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Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities. Undertake three Mesozoic Missions spanning 150 million years and mimic dinosaur...

Cost: Free with Admission

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Newark, DE  19807
View map »


Telephone: 302-658-9111
Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities at the Delaware Museum of Natural History's newest special exhibit. Undertake...

Cost: Adults: $9 Children (3-17): $7 Seniors (60+): $8 Under 3: FREE Members: FREE

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Website »

More information

Between 1917 and 1944, the Society of Independent Artists (SIA) hosted annual exhibitions for its members. Famous painters and Sunday painters were able to exhibit their work in enormous open shows...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

Notbybreadalone Ministries presents Feeding the Hungry Outreach. All are welcome to come and partake of food, fun and fellowship. Those who desire a better way of life through Jesus Christ are...

Cost: Free

Where:
2nd and 3rd Streets
Wilmington, DE  19801


Sponsor: Notbybreadalone Outreach Ministries
Telephone: 442-0440
Contact Name: Ministers Wayne and Stephanie Dumpson
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Nanticoke Weight Loss & General Surgery will host bariatric support groups on Tuesday, Feb. 7 from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. and Monday, Feb. 27 from 6 to 7 p.m. in the Medical Staff...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Nanticoke Memorial Hospital
801 Middleford Road
Seaford, DE  19973
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Telephone: 302-536-5395
Contact Name: Nanticoke Weight Loss & General Surgery
Website »

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Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:30AM-12:00PM Fall session: Thursday, Dec 1st thru Thursday, December 15th Winter session: Tuesday, January 17th thru Thursday, March 30th   Drop in on Nature is...

Cost: see description

Where:
The Annex
501 Chandler Mill Rd
Kennett Square, PA  19348
View map »


Sponsor: The Land Conservancy
Telephone: 610-347-0347 ext.104
Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities. Undertake three Mesozoic Missions spanning 150 million years and mimic dinosaur...

Cost: Free with Admission

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Newark, DE  19807
View map »


Telephone: 302-658-9111
Website »

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Put on your warmest coat, some gloves and join us to play with ice. Learn about the properties of ice and experiment with this slippery substance. Enjoy a craft, a snack, and a warm drink indoors....

Cost: Members:$6 Others:$10

Where:
DuPont Environmental Education Center
1400 Delmarva Lane
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »


Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities at the Delaware Museum of Natural History's newest special exhibit. Undertake...

Cost: Adults: $9 Children (3-17): $7 Seniors (60+): $8 Under 3: FREE Members: FREE

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Website »

More information

Between 1917 and 1944, the Society of Independent Artists (SIA) hosted annual exhibitions for its members. Famous painters and Sunday painters were able to exhibit their work in enormous open shows...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

East Coast Garden Center Indoor Farmer's Marke 25 vendors

Cost: Free

Where:
East Coast Garden Center
30366 Cordrey Rd
Millsboro, DE  19966
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Telephone: 302-945-3489
Website »

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East Coast Garden Center Indoor Farmers Market Nov 8, 2016 - April 11, 2017  11 am- 2 pm 25 vendors Location:  East Coast Garden Center 30366 Cordrey Rd Millsboro, DE 19966 302-945-3489

Cost: frr

Where:
East Coast Garden Center
30366 Cordrey Rd
Millsboro, DE  19966
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Sponsor: East Coast Garden Center
Telephone: 302-945-3489
Website »

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The Rehoboth Beach Film Society is pleased to collaborate with the League of Women Voters® of Sussex County to present the second annual Women’s Film Series. The focus of this monthly series is...

Cost: $9

Where:
Cinema Art Theater
17701 Dartmouth Drive, #2
Lewes, DE  19958
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Sponsor: Rehoboth Beach Film Society
Telephone: 302-645-9095
Contact Name: Jeri Kaplan
Website »

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Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities. Undertake three Mesozoic Missions spanning 150 million years and mimic dinosaur...

Cost: Free with Admission

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Newark, DE  19807
View map »


Telephone: 302-658-9111
Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities at the Delaware Museum of Natural History's newest special exhibit. Undertake...

Cost: Adults: $9 Children (3-17): $7 Seniors (60+): $8 Under 3: FREE Members: FREE

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Website »

More information

Between 1917 and 1944, the Society of Independent Artists (SIA) hosted annual exhibitions for its members. Famous painters and Sunday painters were able to exhibit their work in enormous open shows...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

Nanticoke Weight Loss & General Surgery hosts nutrition classes on the first Wednesday of each month from 4:30 pm to 5:30 pm at the Nanticoke Training Center located at 121 S. Front Street in...

Cost: FREE

Where:
Nanticoke Training Center
121 S Front Street
Seaford, DE  19973
View map »


Telephone: 302-536-5395
Contact Name: Nanticoke Weight Loss & General Surgery
Website »

More information

Show More...
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Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:30AM-12:00PM Fall session: Thursday, Dec 1st thru Thursday, December 15th Winter session: Tuesday, January 17th thru Thursday, March 30th   Drop in on Nature is...

Cost: see description

Where:
The Annex
501 Chandler Mill Rd
Kennett Square, PA  19348
View map »


Sponsor: The Land Conservancy
Telephone: 610-347-0347 ext.104
Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities. Undertake three Mesozoic Missions spanning 150 million years and mimic dinosaur...

Cost: Free with Admission

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Newark, DE  19807
View map »


Telephone: 302-658-9111
Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities at the Delaware Museum of Natural History's newest special exhibit. Undertake...

Cost: Adults: $9 Children (3-17): $7 Seniors (60+): $8 Under 3: FREE Members: FREE

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Website »

More information

Between 1917 and 1944, the Society of Independent Artists (SIA) hosted annual exhibitions for its members. Famous painters and Sunday painters were able to exhibit their work in enormous open shows...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

Thursdays from 4:00PM-5:30PM Fall session: December 1st, 8th and 15th Winter session: Starts January 19th, every other Thursday until March 30th This program is based entirely outdoors and is...

Cost: Cost: $30 for TLC members / $40 for non-members

Where:
Bucktoe Creek Preserve
432 Sharp Rd
Avondale, PA  19311
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Sponsor: The Land Conservancy
Telephone: 610-347-0347 ext.104
Website »

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After more than 18,000 e-mails and 40 job interviews couldn't score Daniel Seddiqui a steady job, this University of Southern California economics graduate became "the world's most...

Cost: Free

Where:
Wilmington University
Audrey Kohl Doberstein Admissions Center auditorium
320 N. DuPont Highway
New Castle, DE  19720
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Sponsor: Wilmington University
Telephone: (302) 295-1160
Contact Name: College of Online and Experiential Learning
Website »

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Pages of Time: Mother & Daughter Book & Craft Club Thursday November 3, 2016, 6:00 – 8:00 pm: A Journey to the New World: The Diary of Remember Patience Whipple...

Cost: $25-35

Where:
Winterthur Museum, Garden and Library
5105 Kennett Pike
Wilmington, DE  19807
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Nanticoke Memorial Hospital offers childbirth classes on Thursdays from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm in the Ground Floor Conference Room. The class will meet each Thursday for a total of five weeks – four...

Cost: Childbirth class, $50. Refresher class, $25.

Where:
Nanticoke Memorial Hospital
801 Middleford Road
Seaford, DE  19973
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Telephone: 302-629-6611 x2540
Contact Name: Nanticoke’s Maternal Child Health Clinical Educato

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Visit Paint Nite's website to see Tutto Fresco's events, held the first Thursday of every month (through 2017) starting at 6:30 p.m.

Where:
, DE

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The Resident Ensemble Players, Delaware’s professional acting company performing at the University of Delaware, presents The Elephant Man by Bernard Pomerance. The moving tale of John Merrick, a...

Cost: $15 - $30

Where:
Thompson Theatre, Roselle Center for the Arts
110 Orchard Rd.
Newark, DE  19716
View map »


Sponsor: Resident Ensemble Players
Telephone: (302) 831-2204
Website »

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Gina Sicilia has been wowing audiences across the globe throughout her decade-long career, with no plans of slowing down anytime soon. Considered a true rising star in the blues world, her debut...

Cost: $12 ADV - $15 DOS + FEES

Where:
World Cafe Live- Wilmington
500 North Market Street
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »

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Terry Anderson's new landscape paintings from the Brandywine Watershed to the Canadian Near North, take on an abstract quality reflecting her interest in the relationships between shape, space and...

Cost: free

Where:
The Station Gallery
3922 Kennett Pike
Greenville, DE  19807
View map »


Telephone: 302-654-8638
Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities. Undertake three Mesozoic Missions spanning 150 million years and mimic dinosaur...

Cost: Free with Admission

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Newark, DE  19807
View map »


Telephone: 302-658-9111
Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities at the Delaware Museum of Natural History's newest special exhibit. Undertake...

Cost: Adults: $9 Children (3-17): $7 Seniors (60+): $8 Under 3: FREE Members: FREE

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Website »

More information

Between 1917 and 1944, the Society of Independent Artists (SIA) hosted annual exhibitions for its members. Famous painters and Sunday painters were able to exhibit their work in enormous open shows...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

First Fridays This noon-time lunch series on the first Friday of every month pairs an engaging 30-minute discussion about a work of art with a delicious lunch in the Thronson Café. 

Cost: $12 Members, $14 Non-Members (Café lunch voucher included in price)

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

Tutto Fresco has live entertainment every Friday night from 6:30–9:30 p.m. Call for details. http://tuttofrescode.com/

Where:
Tutto Fresco
514 Philadelphia Pike
Wilmington, DE  19809
View map »

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Meeting every Friday, Bayhealth Kent General Hospital, 640 s. State Street, Dover, 7:30 pm., Private Dining Room #3 in the basement. For those who have, or think they may have a gambling problem....

Cost: 0.00

Where:
Bayhealth Kent General Hospital
640 S. State Street
Private Dining Room #3
Dover, DE  19901
View map »


Telephone: 800-855-2CALLGA
Website »

More information

The Resident Ensemble Players, Delaware’s professional acting company performing at the University of Delaware, presents The Elephant Man by Bernard Pomerance. The moving tale of John Merrick, a...

Cost: $15 - $30

Where:
Thompson Theatre, Roselle Center for the Arts
110 Orchard Rd.
Newark, DE  19716
View map »


Sponsor: Resident Ensemble Players
Telephone: (302) 831-2204
Website »

More information

Why should the boys have all the fun? Jeffrey Miller will help close our Inside the Opera Studioseries with an elegant evening that is all about the ladies. Not all sopranos are created...

Cost: $29-$59

Where:
OperaDelaware Studio
4 South Poplar St.
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »


Sponsor: OperaDelaware
Telephone: 302-442-7809
Contact Name: Mary Wilcosky
Website »

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Philadelphia band Mason Porter has a ton of fun on stage. And that’s how it should be. It’s that positive energy that connects them with their audience every time. They play a style of American...

Cost: $15 ADV - $17 DOS + FEES

Where:
World Cafe Live- Wilmington
500 North Market Street
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »

More information

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First Saturdays in the First State   Programs and events on the first Saturday of each month. Sites are open, 9 a.m. – 4:30 p.m., check website for...

Cost: Free

Where:
First State Heritage Park
121 Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd N
Dover, DE  19901
View map »


Sponsor: First State Heritage Park
Telephone: 302-739-9194
Contact Name: Sarah Zimmerman
Website »

More information

Terry Anderson's new landscape paintings from the Brandywine Watershed to the Canadian Near North, take on an abstract quality reflecting her interest in the relationships between shape, space and...

Cost: free

Where:
The Station Gallery
3922 Kennett Pike
Greenville, DE  19807
View map »


Telephone: 302-654-8638
Website »

More information

First Saturdays in the First State   Programs and events on the first Saturday of each month. Sites are open, 9 a.m. – 4:30 p.m., check website for...

Cost: Free

Where:
First State Heritage Park
121 Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd N
Dover, DE  19901
View map »


Sponsor: First State Heritage Park
Telephone: 302-739-9194
Contact Name: Sarah Zimmerman
Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities at the Delaware Museum of Natural History's newest special exhibit. Undertake...

Cost: Adults: $9 Children (3-17): $7 Seniors (60+): $8 Under 3: FREE Members: FREE

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Website »

More information

Uncover the facts, fictions, and fossils of Dinosaur Revolution as you LIVE LARGE in reptilian role-play activities. Undertake three Mesozoic Missions spanning 150 million years and mimic dinosaur...

Cost: Free with Admission

Where:
Delaware Museum of Natural History
4840 Kennett Pike
Newark, DE  19807
View map »


Telephone: 302-658-9111
Website »

More information

Are you interested in learning more about what volunteer opportunities the Kalmar Nyckel Foundation has to offer? Consider attending our Volunteer Open House at our shipyard in Wilmington, DE from...

Cost:

Where:
Kalmar Nyckel Foundation
1124 E 7th St
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »


Website »

More information

Between 1917 and 1944, the Society of Independent Artists (SIA) hosted annual exhibitions for its members. Famous painters and Sunday painters were able to exhibit their work in enormous open shows...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

During his lifetime W. Heath Robinson (1872–1944) was ranked with Arthur Rackham and Edmund Dulac as one of England’s foremost illustrators. Beginning in the 1890s, Robinson developed a linear...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

Enjoy four weekends of Tour de Tanks in March 2017. Use the trail brochure to plan your stops as you drive to each location. Includes exclusive tank or barrel tastings, tours or educational...

Cost: $30

Where:
Various Locations
, PA


Telephone: 1-888-858-9675
Website »

More information

Collector Eric Holzenberg will explore W. Heath Robinson’s significant contribution to the gift book phenomenon in works he illustrated and wrote, including The Adventures of Uncle Lubin (1902)...

Cost: Free with Museum admission

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Parkway
Wilmington, DE  19806
View map »


Website »

More information

The Resident Ensemble Players, Delaware’s professional acting company performing at the University of Delaware, presents The Elephant Man by Bernard Pomerance. The moving tale of John Merrick, a...

Cost: $15 - $30

Where:
Thompson Theatre, Roselle Center for the Arts
110 Orchard Rd.
Newark, DE  19716
View map »


Sponsor: Resident Ensemble Players
Telephone: (302) 831-2204
Website »

More information

1977: the year Apple,Inc. incorporated, Fantasy Island premiered on ABC, Star Wars & Saturday Night Fever ruled the box office, and disco dominated the airwaves. Buy your tickets now, and see you...

Cost: $60 + FEES

Where:
World Cafe Live- Wilmington
500 North Market Street
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »

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