Sex: The Ups & Downs

Embracing the healthy transitions that lay ahead can ensure a satisfying sex life well into mid-life—and beyond.




When you’re young and in love, sex is, well, really hot. But odds are that “we-can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other” feeling isn’t going to last a lifetime. Just as there are ebbs and flows in life, your sex life will have its ups and downs as well.

But don’t panic. Just because you no longer feel the same intensity you once did doesn’t mean that sex will never again be satisfying. Quite the opposite, say the experts. Knowing and even embracing the healthy transitions that lay ahead can ensure a fabulously satisfying sex life well into mid-life—and beyond.

“It’s absolutely going to change, but it doesn’t have to end,” says Wilmington sex therapist Dr. Debra Laino.

Engaging in regular sexual activity has some definite perks. Sex burns calories, improves mood, boosts immunity, and alleviates stress and pain. A vigorous sex life might even help you maintain a more youthful appearance, according to researchers at Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland.

But a lack of desire prevents many women from enjoying the benefits and pleasure of a robust sex life. Numerous studies show that about half of all women experience some type of sexual dysfunction during their lives, with low libido accounting for the majority of those problems. What’s more, it’s a condition most of them choose to ignore, especially after they’ve gone through “the change.”

True, menopause does reduce levels of the hormones estrogen and progesterone. Those changes cause the vagina to shorten and narrow. The walls become thinner and a bit stiffer. Most women will also have less vaginal lubrication, making intercourse less spontaneous and somewhat painful.

But for women, feeling the desire is about much more than hormones and internal plumbing. Unlike a man, who can get an erection at the drop of a hat—or bra—a woman needs to be aroused psychologically and physically.

“For men, sex creates intimacy,” says Dr. Estelle Whitney, staff physician and clinical instructor in the department of obstetrics and gynecology at Christiana Care Health System. “Women have to have emotional intimacy before they’re willing to allow themselves to have sex.”

That explains why a woman’s libido differs from a man’s and why there are variations among individual women as well. It also helps to explain why sexual desire waxes and wanes throughout the fabric of a woman’s life.

Indeed, it’s not just post-menopausal women who experience a decreased interest in sex. Contrary to popular belief, the 20s are not necessarily a period of sexual bliss. Many young women stress over body image, performance and the fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease, which can short-circuit desire.

“Younger women have many of the same concerns as older women. They’re just better at covering them up,” says Dr. Nancy Fan, an obstetrician-gynecologist with Women to Women at St. Francis Hospital in Wilmington.

Hormonal changes can also impact sex drive. A woman may find her libido ebbing at the start of her monthly period and peaking at ovulation. “It has a lot to do with nature wanting to reproduce itself,” says Dr. Maxime Moise, an OB-GYN with DelMed Health in Lewes.

Pregnancy and childbirth can also send a woman’s libido on a roller coaster of highs and lows, he says.

Even if hormone levels are stable, the pressures of parenthood can throw a bucket of ice on anyone’s desire. Between the demands of work, child-rearing and housekeeping, women are under tremendous pressure, putting sex at or near the bottom of their to-do list.

“Coming home at the end of the day after working all day, then feeding the kids and helping them do their homework, the last thing at night you want to think about is having sex,” says Fan.

Mid-life can be a time of sexual reawakening, as women find themselves less burdened by the stressors that undercut desire earlier in their lives. But this is also the time when women enter perimenopause, the period preceding menopause when production of libido-fueling hormones begins to level off. But even though desire may flag, a woman can still reach new heights of sexual satisfaction.

“They have an internal confidence that a lot of younger women don’t have, a deeper sense of themselves,” says Laino. “They often know what feels good because they’ve gotten to know themselves better.”

An underactive thyroid—a common disorder in women over 40—can also diminish a woman’s sex drive. Hypothyroidism can cause weight gain and feelings of depression, both of which can lower libido.

“If it is not well-controlled, your general sense of well-being is not there, you’re not feeling energetic, so you’re not going to have a good libido or desire,” says Dr. Sonal Pathak, an endocrinologist at Bayhealth Medical Center in Kent County.

Menopause typically kicks in around age 50, ushering in a dramatic change in sexual desire. Little wonder. With menopause, there’s a significant decline in the production of estrogen, the hormone that increases blood flow to the genitals and helps lubricate the vagina.

“I think at some level our bodies know we’re going to stop reproducing, and it gets transmitted to our brains that we’re not going to have any more children,” says Fan.

This is also the time when many men go through hormonal changes as well. “Just like women go through menopause, men go through something similar, but not as dramatic, where they have a decline in testosterone levels and that results in reduced sexual interest,” says Dr. Gregory Spana, a urologist with Bayhealth Medical Center in Dover.

Health problems can also affect a man’s ability to have and enjoy sex. Conditions like atherosclerosis—a narrowing of the arteries—and diabetes can impede blood flow causing erectile dysfunction, says Spana. Medications used to treat these conditions can also cause sexual problems.

Men who have had a heart attack may avoid sex for fear it will trigger another attack, even if the chances of that occurring are practically nil. “The fear is always at the back of their minds,” says Dr. Bryan Villar, family medicine chair at Milford Memorial Hospital.

Does turning 50 mean an end to quality time under the sheets? Hardly. Many older adults retain their ability to enjoy sex well into old age.

“The belief that because they’ve reached menopause their sexual life is finished is not necessarily true,” says Moise. “I have patients in their 70s and 80s who are sexually active on a regular basis once or twice a week.”

Experts stress that women—and their partners—need to know what happens to their libidos and bodies as they age and to embrace these changes as normal and natural.

“I think the media plays a role,” says Fan. “A lot of patients come in thinking there’s something wrong, that it’s a disease and we should have a cure for it.”

But many women find menopause to be a liberating experience—one that frees them to be more creative and to rethink their options. “A lot of women feel that that’s their second peak sexually when they get into menopause and lose those associated stresses,” says Whitney. “The minor physical aspects of it can be addressed really quickly and easily.”

Moreover, the hormonal changes that occur with age can bring a couple into a kind of sexual synchronization. “As men age they become better lovers because they slow down,” says Laino. “The act takes longer now and couples are closer to each another with respect to climaxing—if they climax.”

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January 2015

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Cost: Free

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More information

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Cost: 5.00

Where:
Biggs Museum of American Arts
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More information

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View map »


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Telephone: 856-365-3300
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More information

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Cost: $18.95 - 25.95

Where:
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Cost: Free

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View map »


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Cost: Free

Where:
406 Federal Street
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More information

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Website »

More information

Bariatric Information Seminar Location: Bayhealth Kent General, General Foods Conference Rooms 1 & 2, 640 S. State St., Dover Time: 6 p.m.–7 p.m. More info and to register:...

Where:
Bayhealth Kent General
640 S. State St.
Dover, DE
View map »

More information

Chips for Charity is a Monte Carlo-style cocktail event that boasts table games and dealers, an open bar, catering, a photo booth, a silent auction, 50/50, raffle prizes, a DJ and much more! Unlike...

Cost: $75/ticket

Where:
Delaware Center for Contemporary Arts (DCCA)
200 S. Madison St.
The Riverfront
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »


Sponsor: Next Gen North
Telephone: 609-665-6001
Contact Name: Danielle Dick
Website »

More information

“Smokey Joe’s Cafe” is a high-energy song and dance celebration honoring the works of two rock 'n' roll pioneers, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. The show includes 40 of their hits, including...

Cost: $12-$20

Where:
Wilmington Drama League
10 W. Lea Blvd.
Wilmington, DE  19802
View map »


Sponsor: Wilmington Drama League
Telephone: 764-1172
Website »

More information

Make no beans about it—you won’t want to miss Jack face off against the mighty Giant. 

Where:
Delaware Children’s Theatre
1014 Delaware Ave
Wilmington, DE
View map »

More information

Epifania is pretty boss when it comes to making money. Finding love, though? Not so much. But when the richest woman on earth finds a guy who holds her fancy, will she meet his challenge to live...

Where:
Resident Ensemble Players/Thompson Theatre
110 Orchard Road
Newark, DE
View map »


Website »

More information

These ain’t your granddad’s matchboxes—check out 60 rare examples of decadent 19th-century cases.

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Pkwy.
Wilmington, DE
View map »


Telephone: 571-9590
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Lynn discovered photography through working in wild bird rehabilitation. Her images  explore Delaware’s wonderful variety of life and landscapes. She is a regular contributor to Delaware State...

Cost: Free

Where:
Blue Ball Barn
1914 West Park Drive
Wilmington, DE  19803
View map »


Telephone: 302-577-7020
Website »

More information

Delaware native, Carson Zullinger, has been exhibiting his figural and landscape fine-art photographs for forty years. Zullinger often subordinates his dynamic and thoroughly modern compositions to...

Cost: 5.00

Where:
Biggs Museum of American Arts
406 Federal Street
Dover, DE  19901
View map »

More information

Prehistoric marine reptiles that ruled the primeval seas more than 100 million years ago are taking over Adventure Aquarium on the Camden Waterfront for a limited-time exhibit starting January 16....

Cost: $25.95 for adults; $18.95 for children ages 2-12

Where:
Adventure Aquarium
1 Riverside Drive
Camden, NJ  08103
View map »


Sponsor: Adventure Aquarium
Telephone: 856-365-3300
Website »

More information

Somerville Manning Gallery presents a solo exhibition of works by Jamie Wyeth concurrent with the artist’s major retrospective on view at the Brandywine River Museum in Chadds Ford, PA.  The...

Cost: Free

Where:
Somerville Manning Gallery
101 Stone Block Row
Brecks Mill, 2nd Floor
Greenville, DE  19807
View map »


Sponsor: Somerville Manning Gallery
Telephone: (302) 652-0271
Contact Name: Marisa Nolan
Website »

More information

This summer, Camden’s largest residents, Adventure Aquarium’s hippopotamuses Button and Genny, invite you to join them in their exciting new home, Hippo Haven. As the only aquarium in the...

Cost: $18.95 - 25.95

Where:
Adventure Aquarium
1 Riverside Drive
Camden, NJ  08103
View map »


Contact Name: Amanda Perez
Website »

More information

Visitors may take a two-hour guided tour of Hagley’s 235-acre site. Stops include Eleutherian Mills, the first du Pont family home built in America; the First Office of the DuPont Company; a...

Cost: Free

Where:
Hagley Museum
201 Hagley Creek Road
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Sponsor: Hagley Museum and Library
Telephone: 302-658-2400
Contact Name: Meg Marcozzi
Website »

More information

Ditch the winter whites for a world of dazzling color at Longwood Gardens, where you can stroll through thousands of orchids in bloom.

Where:
Longwood Gardens
1001 Longwood Road
Kennett Square, PA  19348
View map »

More information

Delaware native, Carson Zullinger, has been exhibiting his figural and landscape fine-art photographs for forty years. Zullinger often subordinates his dynamic and thoroughly modern compositions to...

Cost: Free

Where:
406 Federal Street
Dover, DE  19901

More information

Tobacco Cessation Location: Bayhealth Kent General, Private Dining Room 1–2, 640 S. State St., Dover Time: 5 p.m.–6:30 p.m. More info: Must be at least 18 years old to register...

Where:
Bayhealth Kent General
Private Dining Room 1–2
640 S. State St.
Dover, DE
View map »

More information

In response to audience demand, the Rehoboth Beach Film Society is presenting an encore screening of the Audience Award winner for Best Documentary at the 2014 Rehoboth Beach Independent Film...

Cost: $9

Where:
Lewes Presbyterian Church
133 Kings Highway
Lewes, DE  19958
View map »


Telephone: 302-645-9095
Website »

More information

Chips for Charity is a Monte Carlo-style cocktail event that boasts table games and dealers, an open bar, catering, a photo booth, a silent auction, 50/50, raffle prizes, a DJ and much more! Unlike...

Cost: $75/ticket

Where:
Delaware Center for Contemporary Arts (DCCA)
200 S. Madison St.
The Riverfront
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »


Sponsor: Next Gen North
Telephone: 609-665-6001
Contact Name: Danielle Dick
Website »

More information

In response to audience demand, the Rehoboth Beach Film Society is presenting an encore screening of the Audience Award winner for Best Documentary at the 2014 Rehoboth Beach Independent Film...

Cost: $9

Where:
Lewes Presbyterian Church
133 Kings Highway
Lewes, DE  19958
View map »


Telephone: 302-645-9095
Website »

More information

“Smokey Joe’s Cafe” is a high-energy song and dance celebration honoring the works of two rock 'n' roll pioneers, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. The show includes 40 of their hits, including...

Cost: $12-$20

Where:
Wilmington Drama League
10 W. Lea Blvd.
Wilmington, DE  19802
View map »


Sponsor: Wilmington Drama League
Telephone: 764-1172
Website »

More information

These ain’t your granddad’s matchboxes—check out 60 rare examples of decadent 19th-century cases.

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Pkwy.
Wilmington, DE
View map »


Telephone: 571-9590
Website »

More information

Epifania is pretty boss when it comes to making money. Finding love, though? Not so much. But when the richest woman on earth finds a guy who holds her fancy, will she meet his challenge to live...

Where:
Resident Ensemble Players/Thompson Theatre
110 Orchard Road
Newark, DE
View map »


Website »

More information

Make no beans about it—you won’t want to miss Jack face off against the mighty Giant. 

Where:
Delaware Children’s Theatre
1014 Delaware Ave
Wilmington, DE
View map »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Lynn discovered photography through working in wild bird rehabilitation. Her images  explore Delaware’s wonderful variety of life and landscapes. She is a regular contributor to Delaware State...

Cost: Free

Where:
Blue Ball Barn
1914 West Park Drive
Wilmington, DE  19803
View map »


Telephone: 302-577-7020
Website »

More information

Delaware native, Carson Zullinger, has been exhibiting his figural and landscape fine-art photographs for forty years. Zullinger often subordinates his dynamic and thoroughly modern compositions to...

Cost: 5.00

Where:
Biggs Museum of American Arts
406 Federal Street
Dover, DE  19901
View map »

More information

Prehistoric marine reptiles that ruled the primeval seas more than 100 million years ago are taking over Adventure Aquarium on the Camden Waterfront for a limited-time exhibit starting January 16....

Cost: $25.95 for adults; $18.95 for children ages 2-12

Where:
Adventure Aquarium
1 Riverside Drive
Camden, NJ  08103
View map »


Sponsor: Adventure Aquarium
Telephone: 856-365-3300
Website »

More information

This summer, Camden’s largest residents, Adventure Aquarium’s hippopotamuses Button and Genny, invite you to join them in their exciting new home, Hippo Haven. As the only aquarium in the...

Cost: $18.95 - 25.95

Where:
Adventure Aquarium
1 Riverside Drive
Camden, NJ  08103
View map »


Contact Name: Amanda Perez
Website »

More information

Somerville Manning Gallery presents a solo exhibition of works by Jamie Wyeth concurrent with the artist’s major retrospective on view at the Brandywine River Museum in Chadds Ford, PA.  The...

Cost: Free

Where:
Somerville Manning Gallery
101 Stone Block Row
Brecks Mill, 2nd Floor
Greenville, DE  19807
View map »


Sponsor: Somerville Manning Gallery
Telephone: (302) 652-0271
Contact Name: Marisa Nolan
Website »

More information

Visitors may take a two-hour guided tour of Hagley’s 235-acre site. Stops include Eleutherian Mills, the first du Pont family home built in America; the First Office of the DuPont Company; a...

Cost: Free

Where:
Hagley Museum
201 Hagley Creek Road
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Sponsor: Hagley Museum and Library
Telephone: 302-658-2400
Contact Name: Meg Marcozzi
Website »

More information

Ditch the winter whites for a world of dazzling color at Longwood Gardens, where you can stroll through thousands of orchids in bloom.

Where:
Longwood Gardens
1001 Longwood Road
Kennett Square, PA  19348
View map »

More information

Delaware native, Carson Zullinger, has been exhibiting his figural and landscape fine-art photographs for forty years. Zullinger often subordinates his dynamic and thoroughly modern compositions to...

Cost: Free

Where:
406 Federal Street
Dover, DE  19901

More information

Tobacco Cessation Location: Bayhealth Kent General, Private Dining Room 1–2, 640 S. State St., Dover Time: 5 p.m.–6:30 p.m. More info: Must be at least 18 years old to register...

Where:
Bayhealth Kent General
Private Dining Room 1–2
640 S. State St.
Dover, DE
View map »

More information

The Lighthouse Church will be starting a Training Center for Deliverances beginning Friday September 12, 2014.  The school will be focused on all aspects of ministering deliverance and healing...

Cost: Free

Where:
The Lighthouse Church Inc.
6 South Railroad Avenue
Wyoming, DE  19934
View map »


Sponsor: The Lighthouse Church Inc.
Telephone: (302) 632-4679
Contact Name: Bro. Christopher Gore
Website »

More information

Chips for Charity is a Monte Carlo-style cocktail event that boasts table games and dealers, an open bar, catering, a photo booth, a silent auction, 50/50, raffle prizes, a DJ and much more! Unlike...

Cost: $75/ticket

Where:
Delaware Center for Contemporary Arts (DCCA)
200 S. Madison St.
The Riverfront
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »


Sponsor: Next Gen North
Telephone: 609-665-6001
Contact Name: Danielle Dick
Website »

More information

“Smokey Joe’s Cafe” is a high-energy song and dance celebration honoring the works of two rock 'n' roll pioneers, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. The show includes 40 of their hits, including...

Cost: $12-$20

Where:
Wilmington Drama League
10 W. Lea Blvd.
Wilmington, DE  19802
View map »


Sponsor: Wilmington Drama League
Telephone: 764-1172
Website »

More information

Epifania is pretty boss when it comes to making money. Finding love, though? Not so much. But when the richest woman on earth finds a guy who holds her fancy, will she meet his challenge to live...

Where:
Resident Ensemble Players/Thompson Theatre
110 Orchard Road
Newark, DE
View map »


Website »

More information

These ain’t your granddad’s matchboxes—check out 60 rare examples of decadent 19th-century cases.

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Pkwy.
Wilmington, DE
View map »


Telephone: 571-9590
Website »

More information

Make no beans about it—you won’t want to miss Jack face off against the mighty Giant. 

Where:
Delaware Children’s Theatre
1014 Delaware Ave
Wilmington, DE
View map »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Delaware native, Carson Zullinger, has been exhibiting his figural and landscape fine-art photographs for forty years. Zullinger often subordinates his dynamic and thoroughly modern compositions to...

Cost: 5.00

Where:
Biggs Museum of American Arts
406 Federal Street
Dover, DE  19901
View map »

More information

Prehistoric marine reptiles that ruled the primeval seas more than 100 million years ago are taking over Adventure Aquarium on the Camden Waterfront for a limited-time exhibit starting January 16....

Cost: $25.95 for adults; $18.95 for children ages 2-12

Where:
Adventure Aquarium
1 Riverside Drive
Camden, NJ  08103
View map »


Sponsor: Adventure Aquarium
Telephone: 856-365-3300
Website »

More information

This summer, Camden’s largest residents, Adventure Aquarium’s hippopotamuses Button and Genny, invite you to join them in their exciting new home, Hippo Haven. As the only aquarium in the...

Cost: $18.95 - 25.95

Where:
Adventure Aquarium
1 Riverside Drive
Camden, NJ  08103
View map »


Contact Name: Amanda Perez
Website »

More information

Somerville Manning Gallery presents a solo exhibition of works by Jamie Wyeth concurrent with the artist’s major retrospective on view at the Brandywine River Museum in Chadds Ford, PA.  The...

Cost: Free

Where:
Somerville Manning Gallery
101 Stone Block Row
Brecks Mill, 2nd Floor
Greenville, DE  19807
View map »


Sponsor: Somerville Manning Gallery
Telephone: (302) 652-0271
Contact Name: Marisa Nolan
Website »

More information

Visitors may take a two-hour guided tour of Hagley’s 235-acre site. Stops include Eleutherian Mills, the first du Pont family home built in America; the First Office of the DuPont Company; a...

Cost: Free

Where:
Hagley Museum
201 Hagley Creek Road
Wilmington, DE  19807
View map »


Sponsor: Hagley Museum and Library
Telephone: 302-658-2400
Contact Name: Meg Marcozzi
Website »

More information

The Rehoboth Beach Film Society and the Cape Henlopen Educational Foundation are proud to present The Metropolitan Opera’s live broadcast of Offenbach’s “Les Contes d’Hoffmann” on...

Cost: $15 - $25

Where:
Cape Henlopen High School Theater
1250 Kings Hwy
Lewes, DE  19958
View map »


Sponsor: Rehoboth Beach Film Society
Telephone: 302-645-9095
Contact Name: Jeri Kaplan
Website »

More information

The Rehoboth Beach Film Society and the Cape Henlopen Educational Foundation are proud to present The Metropolitan Opera’s live broadcast of Offenbach’s “Les Contes d’Hoffmann” on...

Cost: $15 - $25

Where:
Cape Henlopen High School Theater
1250 Kings Hwy
Lewes, DE  19958
View map »


Sponsor: Rehoboth Beach Film Society
Telephone: 302-645-9095
Contact Name: Jeri Kaplan
Website »

More information

Ditch the winter whites for a world of dazzling color at Longwood Gardens, where you can stroll through thousands of orchids in bloom.

Where:
Longwood Gardens
1001 Longwood Road
Kennett Square, PA  19348
View map »

More information

Delaware native, Carson Zullinger, has been exhibiting his figural and landscape fine-art photographs for forty years. Zullinger often subordinates his dynamic and thoroughly modern compositions to...

Cost: Free

Where:
406 Federal Street
Dover, DE  19901

More information

Tobacco Cessation Location: Bayhealth Kent General, Private Dining Room 1–2, 640 S. State St., Dover Time: 5 p.m.–6:30 p.m. More info: Must be at least 18 years old to register...

Where:
Bayhealth Kent General
Private Dining Room 1–2
640 S. State St.
Dover, DE
View map »

More information

Chips for Charity is a Monte Carlo-style cocktail event that boasts table games and dealers, an open bar, catering, a photo booth, a silent auction, 50/50, raffle prizes, a DJ and much more! Unlike...

Cost: $75/ticket

Where:
Delaware Center for Contemporary Arts (DCCA)
200 S. Madison St.
The Riverfront
Wilmington, DE  19801
View map »


Sponsor: Next Gen North
Telephone: 609-665-6001
Contact Name: Danielle Dick
Website »

More information

“Smokey Joe’s Cafe” is a high-energy song and dance celebration honoring the works of two rock 'n' roll pioneers, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. The show includes 40 of their hits, including...

Cost: $12-$20

Where:
Wilmington Drama League
10 W. Lea Blvd.
Wilmington, DE  19802
View map »


Sponsor: Wilmington Drama League
Telephone: 764-1172
Website »

More information

Epifania is pretty boss when it comes to making money. Finding love, though? Not so much. But when the richest woman on earth finds a guy who holds her fancy, will she meet his challenge to live...

Where:
Resident Ensemble Players/Thompson Theatre
110 Orchard Road
Newark, DE
View map »


Website »

More information

Make no beans about it—you won’t want to miss Jack face off against the mighty Giant. 

Where:
Delaware Children’s Theatre
1014 Delaware Ave
Wilmington, DE
View map »

More information

These ain’t your granddad’s matchboxes—check out 60 rare examples of decadent 19th-century cases.

Where:
Delaware Art Museum
2301 Kentmere Pkwy.
Wilmington, DE
View map »


Telephone: 571-9590
Website »

More information

It’s a tag team on the pipe organ for this month’s Dickson Theatre Organ Society concert.  See them put it down at John Dickinson High School

Where:
John Dickinson High School
1801 Milltown Road
Wilmington, DE
View map »


Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...
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